Are you fucking kidding me?
by mointii
Summary: It wasn't every day that Lovino tried to be sexy. Rated T for frequent swearing and sorta lusty Lovi. Small mentioning of Gerita. Silly Spamano one-shot.


**Hello there! First Spamano one-shot, but not new of ff. I couldn't sleep so I decided to pull an all nighter and this popped into my head. Hope you enjoy, it's a little silly, but I hope it gets a laugh!**

 **Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN** ** _Hetalia_** **!**

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 _ **Are you fucking kidding me?**_

It wasn't every day that Lovino tried to be sexy.

He usually left being sexy and ensuing sexy times to the tomato bastard because _damn, did he know what he was doing._

But that wasn't the point.

Since Antonio was always the first to escalate a makeout session to something more or sneak up behind him while he was reading and nibble on his neck (which he would get the shit kicked out of him, _not_ sex) or randomly pressing him against the wall just to suck him off or stroke his curl before he was even _awake_ from his _siesta_ just to get him in that mood…

Ahem.

Getting off fucking topic.

That damned bastard never gave him the chance to make a move. Not that that bothered Lovino very often (he was definitely _not_ shy or anything. Get your fucking facts straight); he...appreciated that Antonio loved, wanted, lusted after him enough to jump three steps ahead and beat him to it.

But when Feli was over the other day (that bastard had dropped by without a fucking heads up and interrupted his and Antonio's, erm, _intimate_ time and stayed for three goddamn hours), the little shit had managed to switch a conversation concerning the next World Meeting to each other's sex lives.

Who.

The fuck.

Even.

 _Does that?_

Sure, his brother may have walked in on that, but that doesn't mean talk about it! You fucking apologize and leave or shut the hell up and never EVER bring it up. But his little brother was sort of an idiot or an evil little shit. Both were very fitting with Feli.

But that asshole had asked who had initiated the... _lovemaking_ , and then went into detail about how he was always the one to make advances towards that German twat because _Luddy always gets so shy and blushes all the time and stutters and it's so cute and kittens and sparkles and sausage and pasta and ve ve ve~_

God. If there was one thing Lovino was impressed by, it was that German dick's ability to listen to that all day.

However, that _unfortunate_ conversation had scarred Lovino for the rest of the week, and it had stirred some thoughts around. He could hardly believe that every time him and Antonio had sex that it was Antonio that moved it along. Fucking Feliciano was more of a goddamn man than him. His brother made it sound like he was a prostitute whenever around Ludwig, and Lovino felt like a damn nun.

Well.

That was going to change.

Starting _now_.

It was about ten minutes ago that Lovino heard the water running in the bathroom.

It was about five minutes ago that Antonio had told him he was going to take a shower.

It was about seven minutes ago that Lovino decided that it was time to make his move.

Because he was more a man than his fucking little brother that gushed over a stoic asshole like a teenage girl and cooed over cats.

Though that last one can be understood.

But that doesn't fucking matter right now.

Shut up.

So Lovino had taken it upon himself to haul himself off the couch and try not to puke as he headed towards their bathroom upstairs. He tiptoed up each step, trying not to make any sound. He wanted to surprise his Spaniard and show him that he does have balls. Manly ones.

Holding his breath, Lovino eased the door open. He winced as it gave a small squeak, but luckily it was drowned out by the water.

He squeezed through the small gap and ignored the cold tiled floor. His stomach was full of butterflies at this point. His heart was pounding in his ears and his knees were a bit weak. He was actually going to do this.

Antonio better get this fucking nervous over trying to have sex with him. This shit was just ridiculous.

Sucking in a deep breath, Lovino stripped himself of his clothes. They fell silently to the floor along with his lover's. He took a few steps towards where the claw foot tub was took another breath.

He was going to do this.

He was fucking doing it.

 _This shit was happening._

Holding back a small triumphant smirk, he pushed back part of the shower curtain and stepped into the tub.

And froze.

Literally.

He could feel his balls trying to retreat back inside him for warmth.

Because Antonio was a fucking moron.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! _Are you fucking kidding me?_ "

"Oh _hola, mi amor_ ~ I wasn't expecting you to join me! How sexy - wait. Lovi! Where are you going? Do you not like cold showers?! I can make it warmer if you want! Come _baaaack_!"

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 **How was it? It was short and suppose to be cute and funny, something quick and silly.**

 **If you liked it, please let me know with a little review or a fav or whatever you feel like doing.**

 **Thank you and have a nice day! ;)**


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